SIGNS FOUND AT AN ACTUAL GOODWILL THAT WAS BEING REMODELED

1. Please excuse the mess, we are operating under the temporary delusion that we are skilled enough to remodel the store.

2. INVISIBLE PURSES, 9.99. So exclusive, they elude all 5 senses.

3. In an effort to better appreciate what we already have, we've decided to remove a lot of it and then go through an arduous process to put it back. You should try it sometime; it's a great exercise in humility and poor planning.

4. A transformative, off-Broadway production titled The Great Renovation is underway. It's a high-concept, avant-garde piece featuring the clashing sound of hammers and the raw emotion of a budget spiraling out of control.

 5. It's widely believed that our store is not being remodeled but is instead being prepared for a reality TV show titled "Who Needs Product?" We can neither confirm nor deny the rumors that we've been asked to perform dramatic, on-camera "reveals" of our new, modernied, empty fixtures.

6. We have invited a team of professionals to destroy our store in a slow, methodical manner. We're calling it "Project Controlled Demolition," though the "controlled" part is really more of a suggestion.

7. A man named Frank has been hired. Frank has a plan. He does not share his plan, but every time he brings in new racking, something else goes missing...A few fixtures are missing...

8. It's less of a remodel and more of a series of "oops, didnt expect that" moments.

9. Our store's interior has become a permanent version of one of those "expectation vs reality" images. Right now, the reality side is being worked on.

10. We are in the midst of a prolonged and expensive effort to fix everything we've been ignoring for the past decade. Thank you for your understanding.

11. MIND THE MESS. STORE CURRENTLY GOING THROUGH A BEAUTIFICATION PROCESS

12. The work will be done when it's done. The contractor said "It's a store, not a diary farm," and the meaning of that is not entirely clear. 

13. Our store has entered its rebellious teenage phase and has decided to take everything we own and toss it into the garbage. We're hoping it matures into a beautiful, welcoming adult.

14. We've hired a team of professional "mess-makers" to come over every day and scatter our belongings in new and exciting ways. They call it a renovation; we call it a social experiment. 

15. Much like a caterpillar entering its chrysalis, our store is retreating from its present form to emerge anew -- more vibrant and fully realized than before. 

16. The drywall dust is not an accident, its a "curated aesthetic" designed by our contractor to give the room a sense of raw, unfinished character.