Shade's LTE!

Woooooo! I did it, after like, i dunno, 100 YEARS of debating on it, I finally started an LTE! Longest Text Ever, where all I do iz just type n type! Like 4 when i wanna upd8 mai website but have nothing 2 do, I just go over here. Lets get started n immedi8l;y jump in2 TEH MOST INSANE SHIT YOU HAVE EVER HEARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Over teh weekend, mai parents invited their frens Julia n Mike over, we got drunk (except 4 meh, im 2 young 2 drink n i think alcohool iz gross, trust meh, i snuck a few sips b4, how do adults get addicted 2 dat shit?), I had a Monster Energy, n we watche dharry potter n lord of teh rings. After our lotr marathon we played a funny card game n Dad suffoc8d nearly 2 death, he just slumped over n started convulsing. Had 2 call teh police, it wuz sum scary shit! Teh day after (w00t, dad survived!!!), I had a fun day out on teh town. 1st off, I got 2 have breakfast @ IHOP n realized way 2 late dat I wanted Denny's instead. Regardless, both meh n mai father both luvd it Mom demanded I get new running shoes 4 gym, which Dad complied n bought meh sum skechers, but I RLLLLLYYYYYYY wanted a pair of DCShoes so we got a pair of DCshoes. I also went in2 an evil thrift store. Now prepare mai children, for teh tale of teh evil thrift store. As I left teh car, I noted a Treasure Hunt Deeals store. I have never heard of Treasure Hunt Deals before, so after a bit of dillydallying, my father took me there. It was horrible, horrible I say! People were fighting and employees were standing at the gate BEGGING you to tell them if you were gonna open any "mYsTERy BoXEs" while you were there, because opening these stupid boxes apparently means DEATH!!!!!!!! They care more about you opening the boxes than the poor fella who just got his eye ripped straight from the socket by a rabid Craigslister. The floors were covered in nondescript Amazon boxes thar tell you absolutely nothing about what was inside of them, meaning you could've missed out on the best thing ever...like a teddy bear cursed by Satan. Needless to say, me and my father ran out of there like cheetahs. Then we went to HomeGoods to cleanse our agonized eyes and ears. Dad wanted to go to Hobby Lobby, buit I pointed out that it was a Sunday, n Hobby Lobby iz closed on Sundays, so we were stuck in HomeGoods looking 4 a shelf 2 put on mai wall. We didn;t find 1, wat we did find, wuz a lazy susan n a hello kitty soap dispenser. Finally, we stopped @ teh wonderufl godly Menards n bought sum shelves + root beer. Wat a crazy day! N look! WORDS! WORDSSS!!!! I LOVE TYPING WORDS!!!!!!!!!! And it makes dis pointless wall of text even longer, longer wall of text = good...I think. Mayb I'll go now... I'm back! Did u know I went 2 a concert over teh weekend? Yes, it is now Tuesday, but it appears that I have forgotten to tell you. I saw Hinder, sum guy named Daughtry who was on AMerican Idol, Breaking Benjamin, n Staind! Twas mai very 1st time @ TweeterCenter n I luvd it! First off was Hinder, whom NOBODY even wanted 2 c, but they were nonetheless a welcome addition 2 teh concert lineup. Not much 2 say bout them. Then came Daughtry, who covered Deftones n Chris 4got his lyrics on a song (ROFLMAO), while also displaying his admiration for the fog machine. He was very enjoyable, tho not as good as teh real thing. He also called out pretentious ppl right b4 he left teh concert, which wuz kewl. ARound dis point, a woman named Katie came up 2 meh n started telling meh bout her life. I thought she wusz pretty kewl. Katie talked bout lotsa things w meh, n then she promptly vanished myateriously 4 teh rest of the concert. If u r a woman w 2 10 year old kids n u have tattoos all over ur body 2 honor them, n ur hair is blue n purple, n ur name iz Katie, just want u 2 know dat Sophia frum teh breaking benjamin concert says hello! I remember how crazy Breakinmg Ben wuz, they RLYYYYY put on a show 4 us, including an attempted hypnosis of teh audience, n Agent Smith's attempted assimil8on of teh band members. Those trippy hypno spirals over teh drums still show up in mai head. When Breaking Ben played Polyamorous, I went INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! U shoulda heard meh! After Breaking Ben came Staind, n frankly they kinda sucked. The guitarist's guitar broke, every1 wuz already leaving when he wuz done singing Outside, n there were guys selling shirts w 4ged autographs outside 4 half price. I almost got a mudshovel tapestry but I decided against it, a choice dat I now regret. It felt like I wuz truly alive 4 teh 1st time in mai life, n 4 these past 3 days I have been 2 happy 2 cxare bout anything! Well, I'm back. 2day I got 2 go 2 Spirit Halloween. Its a rly fun Halloween store dat pops up in abanndoned buildings. 1 time it popped up in teh old Kids R Us n it felt unreal! So, anyways, while we were @ Spirit, I wuz lookin around 4 an elf circlet. I l8r learned they dont have any elvish halloween costumes, but I tried explaining 2 mai stubborn mom dat Elrond frum LOTR essentially wears an upside down tiara n she just bitched n bitched bout it. But i soon grew 2 understand bcuz she iz in a rly shitty shape. But anyways we ended up getting these kewl Jack Skellington lawn bags n sum awesum decorations. I hope we can put them up soon. When I wuz 10, Dad hid all our halloween decorations as deep in2 our crawlspace as humanly possible n I h8 him 4 dat. Next year Mom says we'll go ALL OUT2days entry iz bout...teh obsession I have w teh microscope sliders our school has, n how our science lab has b-come a time capsule. So, since Monday we've been toying around w microscopes in mai class, n we have old sliders frum like either teh 70s or 60s, n get dis: 1 of them has EXTINCT bacteria in it. Dat's right, extinct. I looked @ it under teh microscope n saw...ITS STILL ALIVE. N considering teh brutal process 4 preserving those things, its so resilient I dunno how it went extinct! N keep in mind, it's been living encased in glass 4 like wat, 50 years? Guess dat shows u just how much bacteria can live through! Crazy ain't it? I also decided 2 follow mai teacher in2 teh science storage room n saw teh Glaggle classific8on I wrote 2 years ago still on teh chalkboard, n I decided 2 redraw teh glugline (Dogw a deep growl) n gleeline (Cat dat plays teh trumped) 4 old times sake! Yes, I know I should've said broke, but saying breaked instead sounded better. 

Hm, sorry if I seem peeved. Today, my science teacher went a bit easy on us and instead of doing boring physics, we instead got to learn about THE HUMAN BRAIN!!!!!!! And now, I can safely say that I have brainphobia…wait, does such thing exist as being afraid of your own brain? I mean, my brain is CONTROLLING me and I don’t like the idea that I”M not in control of my own life. Wait, no such thing as brainphobia? Hm, guess autophobia will just have to settle for now. But I am officially upset at my own brain. But if I’m typing this with my brain, that must mean I can control MY OWN brain? Well brain, I think you need to STOP BEING TIRED! Oh…it didn’t work. Hm, stupid brain, controllin’ me. Well, at least its okay with me ranting about how much I hate it. And there it is just sitting in my skull, probably giggling to itself like a shitface

Yayyy, I'm back. Mai fren Sebastian asked meh wat a Menards iz, so i dedic8 dis segment of teh LTE 2 Sebastian....Menards is a beacon of home improvement greater than Lowes and Home Depot combined, the walls are lined with gadgets and gizmos, and some shelves even have a mysterious sludge that may or may not turn you into Agent Smith from the 2003 Sci Fi Action flick known as The Matrix Reloaded. They also serve rly damn gewd root beer called Sprecher, but Sprecher also makes different kinds of sodas, I like their puma kola, which iz just german coca cola essentially. If you like incessant banjo music, the color green, home improvement, and hacing mental breakdowns, Menard's is the place 4 u! Its a midwestern thang, so sorry 4 all Califronians n New Yorkers who STALK meh! :/ sorry dat u dont have a Menards 2 call ur own. TGhis message was sponsered bvy thre vampirefreaks cult KMFDM_SUX, we accept baby bats! 2day, I have a thing 2 rant bout. How companies made mint flavoring EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I like mint flavored candy, 2 preface dis, but watever dis twisted, "refreshing" mint flavoring iz iz fucked up. 2day I was brushing mai teeth (Rarest thing 4 meh 2 b doin) n mai mouth b-gan 2 BURN frum teh mintiness. So I went 2 grab mouthwash 2 get teh sickening mint out of mai mouth, N IT WUZ MINT FLAVORED 2. I GET IT UR MINT N UR HURTING MEH!!!!! They're trying 2 make it minty so ur breath smells good I tink, but can I have good breath w/o turning mai mouth into a fucking icicle? IZ DAT 2 MUCH 2 ASK 4, TOOTHPASTE COMPANY? HUH? HUH?! Im 2 tired, g2g! Wow, dis iz getting pretty long! Totally 1337! N I'm back! I wanna tell u bout a strange thing dat happened teh other day. So recently, mai family went broke. Yep, its true! We own teh st8 of Kentucky (or @ least a part of it) yet we r still broke. Mayb bcuz all teh ppl dat live in teh part of Kentucky we own r broke hillbillies who make a living selling random shit @ flea markets. I havent been 2 Kentucky since 2004, but I remember last time I wuz there I bought a few Matrix figurines! But bcuz we r broke, dat means we can no longer afford things such as objects n stuff. Ok, so u get teh point. Rich family goes broke. Dad leaves teh house randomly 1 day, returns hours later w lunch. But WAIT! He got moar than luinch! He got meh an N64 w Resident Evil 2, Super Mario 64, n Ocarina of Time,  n ANOTHER Neo figurine! U know wat I find ironic n hilariou. Agent Smith iz mai FAVE Matrix character, but I have moar Neo figurines than Smith figurines. Funny how thinks work ot huh? Well, I'mm back w wonderful news. I finally finished Return of the King! After a whole year,, I finally did finished teh LOTR Trilogy! I've been waiting 4 dis moment 4 mai whole life! Mom's taking meh 2 teh mall 2morrow n im gonna pick up silmarilion! Yeh...I'm back, n im feelin alll wooozy....OooOooOOoo... well, 2day I'm gonna rant bout badminton along w mai trip 2 teh mall. Well...badmintion. A very strange sport. It's mnjust like tennis if tennis wuz total dogshit. U ahve 2 hit a "birdie" w a tennis raclet over a volleyball net. Least dats how mai skool does it. N I think the worst thing bout tennis is SERVING. I think Hybrid's got a point about  volleyball, I've heard her rant about how much she hates serving in volelyball, well oh boy is she gonna HATE badminton. Last week when we played at skool,m I eventually gave up on the racquet n started serving w mai hand. I've tried many different methods of serving, but I guess wat I call "Bounce n Hit" iz mai fave, where I place teh shuttlecock (every1 else calls it a birdie but i like teh name shuttlecock moar lolzzz) on teh racket, flip the racket up, n hit teh shuttlecock! Speaking of shuttlecocks n birdies, I also gave mai PE teacher teh idea of badminton where instead of a shuttlecock we use a dead baby bird...muahahahahaah!!!!! Well, dats basically it 4 tod-Wait, you wanna hear about mai mall trip too? Fine, I guess. Yesterday, I had 2 get remeasured 4 a bra, especially bcuz after a solid year, I finally noticed a creepy guy looking @ meh during teh video mai dad took @ teh concert, n coincidentially dis wuz teh same day mai aunt took meh 2 teh mall, so we had quite a bit of fun mallin around. I got to try Quencher's. And it was good. Quencher's has been there longer than anybody can remember, so why not try it out? Mai taste in ice cream flavors scares pppl in a weird way. Take 4 example, moose tracks n rainbow sherbet. Here @ Quencher's, I indulged in cotton candy n milky way bar w oreo pieces. After I almost threw up in teh food court, I crawled over to Zumiez and proceeded to buy 2 pairs of JNCOs that I learned were too small 5 hours later. After that, I went 2 Hot Topic bcuz I finally decided on a Halloween costume. AGENT. ELROND. I got a rly kewl pair of elf ears n a few kyoot collectibles! Then I waddled 2 radio shack n blew watever money I had left on CDs. Then i went home n wallowed in mai oroom til it wuz time 2 go 2 JMK Nippon, a Japanese restaurant by mai house. Just like always, I got teriyaki bento, but dis time, sumthn not normal happened...I SPILLED MY FUCKING MISO ALL OVER MYSELF. HOW FUCKING AWESOME IS THAT!!??!?!?!?  I BTW, lemme tell u bout vacation, n how a band called *drumroll*...Revolting Cocks took over mai life.

We had 2 wake up @ teh ass of dawn n sat around 4 like 30 minutes, n there I wuz w mai bright n colorful lil tablet playing bright n colorful flash movies on Newgrounds, but mai mom's calling meh so b back in a second. Im baaaaaack! Then i huddled in2 teh car n teh next 5 hours went smoothly, read mai book n gazed out teh window longingly. Not much 2 say except I found a gas station built in Windows 95w candy so sharp i suffocated on it n cut open mai throat, we waited 4 5 mins 4 our food @ a DQ n I ended up sitting outside 4 teh last 2 bcuz i wuz sweaty n needed 2 take mai hoodie off. Did u know mai soda just turned 2 pure fizz? Okay, no? We get 2 teh cabin, nobody's there. i go 2 check if any1's there after over 2 hours of trying 2 organize mai part of teh cabin, n out of nowhere teh guy who wuz overstaying in teh cabin, a blindelderly hillbilly comes SPEEDING DOWN TEH ROAD. N I wuz directly in front of him, I jumped out of teh way SO quickly, n a bunch of lil kids rushed over n asked meh if I wuz okay n blew cold air frum a robot kitty portable fan on2 mai face (none other than teh neighbors kids. Then mai family sitting by teh campfire started screaming n asking if i wuz ok, which I responded 2 w a barely visible thumbs up. Shannon wuz there n she hugged meh tight nshowed meh all teh snacks she bought 4 meh. I thought moving in w them would b good so i started packing all over again n after eating total dogshit pizza (mai parents worship barbecue chicken pizza), we drove 2 a stuffy lil cabin n I spent teh night watching reruns of The A-Team n Emergency while complaining 2 mai fren Damian bout how every1 iz starting 2 look like hugo weaving bcuz i kept hallucin8ng ppl on Emergency were Hugo Weaving. I fell asleep l8 dat night 2 teh news mai aunt wuz buying meh an Agent Smith print water bottle, n we giggled over Dora the Destroyer teh next day, while I wuz cramped in a stuffy, sweaty house w Tiny Toons playing on teh TV n I ranted 2 mai grandpa bout how they shouldve played TTA on Cartoon Network instead of Nickelodeon, n mai grandpa started singing old songs frum teh 1800s while Tiny Toons played (if im correct it wuz teh Test Stress episode) but it wuz 2 stuffy in there so I had 2 move all mai stuff AGAIN n im gettng tired so seeyA. Ok, halloween! Went as trinity n got TONS of candy (n 2 full sized bags of chips 4 watever reason O_o oh yah, I got an idea when watching teh matrix reloaded, actually i had teh idea 4 many years n even mai very 1st matrix request wuz a story of it happening), but a woman watches teh matrix reloaded 1 day, but those GODDAMN smith clones r staring @ her 4 a rly long time...N after half an hour, she...erm...he looks completely different, but exactly those men who looked @ her 4 so long...nhis sense of purpose iz blurred...Heyyyy im back! I have 2 things 2 say. 1 iz bout mulch, teh other iz bout Juicy Couture. Mulch. Mulch. Mulch! I lurve mulch! its delicious! Eating mulch made meh realize im rly a daughter of teh loam, n I deserve 2 b swimmin through silt, Spell it w meh! M-U-L-C-H! N bout Juicy Couture, its these rly fancy n cute clothes n I think they're an EVUL company taking over teh world, but they can do it bcuz it looks cute! Just 2day I drew a lil anthro cow girl in a juicy couture sweater n sweatpants combo, w a juicy couture bracelet on her tail, like teh 1 I got @ a roadside shop on our way 2 Tennessee back in 2006! C? Juicy's been doin dis shit 4 awhile, taking over teens everywhere since 1996! Just teh other day I went on a shopping trip w mai dad n I spotted a Juicy Couture Monopoly game. U did NOT misread dat, they r making juicy couture an inevitable part of girls everywhere, just like Rave stores. Did u know dat mai local mall only recently shut down their Rave stores? I remember goin in2 rave girl even tho I wuz 2 preoccupied w Hot Topic n  ow n just STARED @ teh art on teh walls, it wuz adorbs! Surprisingly, mai mall hasnt fallen 4 Juicy Couture yet! Now dat I think about it, none of mai local malls have! Or mayb im just 2 preoccupied w CherryVale.

I'm back, just 2 say sumthn dats bugging meh. Halloween just iznt halloween-ing dis year! It barely even feels like halloween, I went 2 Spirit Halloween (only got 1 thing 4 mai costume, which iz Trinity frum teh matrix) n watched Saw but still, it feels incomplete :/ prolly bcuz teh FINANCIAL CRISIS  mai parents almost sold off teh house but I convinced them not 2 bcuz teh house they were looking @ wuz further frum mai school n we r already pushing teh legal limit of how long a students allowed 2 b on teh bus!But aside...It just doesnt feel like Halloween dis year, im already c-ing Christmas commercials (@ dis point i wouldnt b surprised if dat fat cherry nosed sunnabitch changed teh red white n blue flag 2 silver, red, n gold) n its not even November  even though mai parents have been rewatching Hocus Pocus a thousand times, mayb I'll take matters in2 mai own hands n decor8 teh house even further. Sadly, I wuz on a budget @ Spirit n i couldnt buy sum cute halloween wreaths i found Also yes, im going trick or treatin @ mai old age of 15! im gonna b trinity frum teh matrix again!

It never ends, teh lyrics imply dat sum1 started singing teh song bcuz they thought it wuz catchy. They find themselves unable 2 stop. Hours pass, n eventually turn 2 days. Still singing endlessly, teh sleep deprived person starts thinking dat their dad's meat cleaver looks rly nice, n they cut off their tongue. But even tho their singing has been turned 2 pure gurgles in a mouth filled w blood, THEY STILL KEEP SINGING.Their only option iz suicide. Make it even moar terrifying if teh corpse still gurgles teh lyrics even after death. Watever being cre8d teh song dat never ends must b a TERRIFYING demon! Wait...who cre8d it again. Oh, teh cre8r of Lambchop, I adored lambchop when I wuz littl, but I didnt know there wuz a Lovecraftian horror writing songs 4 teh show, 2 ensnare children in its trap n 4ce them in2 a miserable life of eternally singing The Song That Never Ends Like if u made a robot sing it n command them 2 stop, they'd stop, but a human. its a whole other story. N u cant beg 4 teh sweet release of death, bcuz u know, u'd b 2 busy singign! U cant stop @ any time, u just have 2 keep singing until teh song ends, which it never does. Talk bout "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream", except u have a mouth, but u cant scream bcuz ur 2 busy singing! WAT SUICIDE METHOD DO I HAVE 2 DO IN ORDER 2 STOP SINGING TEH DAMN SONG? Well, I know exactly wat im NEVER gonna do now. Wat I WILL do however, iz go watch AEon Flux, its a kewl anime-ish series!

Yeppidy yep, teh loser iz back. I wanna rant bout sumthn dat happened years ago dat will 4ever piss me off *dreamy harp music* so lets go back 2 mai 12th bday. I wuz a young gal obsessed with Weezer, Freakazoid, JTHM, CLAMP manga, n MegaTokyo...dis story iz bout teh MegaTokyo portion, all mai other gifts were pretty rockin except mai mom bought meh teh wrong issue of Squee, but wutevs!

4 mai bday, my Mom got meh a lovely MegaTokyo shirt (teh ev1l m1n10n 1) n I wuz overjoyed. I wore dat shirt basically everyday, only pausing 2 wear mai famous evul skwerel shirt n teh Freakazoid shirt mai dad had made 4 meh by "1 of those girls on deviantART w teh anime art style" . U can tell I ADORED teh shirt. But inevitably, shirts u wear every other day get dirty. So I had 2 wash it...n guess what happened 2 teh shirt. It fucking CRUMBLED in teh washing machine. I wuz launched in2 a deep depression, n I cursed teh name of Mega Tokyo 4 making such a crappy shirt. Man, I still miss dat shirt :(

Also I rejoined teh Steel Server, a totes rockin forum where I met EOn337 HERSELF (mai idol)...until I realized it wuz just a fren of hers :( but we eventually got hold of Jenny in I wuz SUPER TRIPLE OVERJOYED! Im so glad 2 b back w mai brothers as teh only girl there, n 4 a girl every1 thinks im super awesoum!

I'm back! Sorry, ya thought i wuz gone? Haha, NOPE! But 2day, Ill write a quick entry bout teh Super Bowl, dis year we got teh Giants vs the Patriots. Mai dad iz OBSESSED w Football n sports, I never rly cared much 4 it, but I tune in 2 teh Super Bowl JUST 2 watch teh commercials, they r always super entertaining, like teh last time I wrote an entry bout teh Super Bowl on teh old LTE, back frum teh EvilWeaselz days. I wuz so much happier back then honestly, even if I sucked @ art, just days spent playing online games on teh computer, Rammstein, Senses Fail, n Gorillaz on repeat,I miss those days :( but back 2 teh Super Bowl. I dont rly like watching teh super bowl, again, I ONLY watch it 4 teh commercials, mai fave last year wuz prolly teh Coca Cola 1, it reminded meh of GTA, there wuz also a super controversial Snickers commercial w 2 guys kissing, its just 2 guys kissin, its  not like those guys went 2 ur house n fucked ur wife n then shot ur cat! Wat's so wrong? Dis year, I decided 2 remain apathetic 2 teh Super Bowl. Ello, im back. Did u know dat teh band Korn wuz made 2 b Baby's First Metal band? Dis iz evidenced by children often b-ing on their covers, how their name looks like it wuz written by a kid who 4got how 2 write corn, yeah u get teh picture. I mean, I HAD 2 do sumthn, itsd been only god knows how long since teh last upd8!

Im back, 2day I had cavity fillings done, teh dentist had 2 give up bcuz I wuz chattin 2 much, but he put on invader zim 4 meh 2 watch. I also got anesthesia 2 make things better ^^ K, im back. I just got done watching The Lawnmower Man, a movie dat exists. Dad said it wuz a horrible movie, but I tigressw, I thought it wuz a pretty decent movie, dare I say "good" teh CGI wuz actually pretty good, I enjoyed teh crappy CGI bcuz of how fitting it iz 2 teh movie. Watching The Lawnmower Man also made meh realize dat I have schizophrenia bcuz teh main guy starts looking moar n moar like Hugo Weaving as teh movie goes on. N spoiler warning, he kills ppl w his mind n then b-comes God. Wat a wonderfully turrible sci fi flik! Woooo, I'm back. N i have a craving. A strong craving. SoBE. I have never had a SoBe in my 15 years on this planet but all I know is that I need one and I need one now! Last year, I went to Pigeon Forge on vacation (Which i forgot to write bout bcuz I wuz 2 damn lazy) n we stopped @ a cluttered shady gas station just like Mobil back home, but Mobil doesn't have SoBe. Dis gas station did, n they also had Bug Juice there. I got a Bug Juice, but I remember a demon scratching inside of meh, begging meh 2 get a fountain SoBe, n now I realize: dat demon wuz right. Now I wander these planes of shady gas stations alone, dreaming of the day I get a SoBe. Mai bowels yearn 4 carrot infused grape juice! Mai eyes yearn 4 a kewl drink w a lizard on teh bottle! Mai mouth yearns 2 taste sum good fuckin ELIXIR. ALL HAIL SOBE! Hopefully dat huge gas station they opened in tennessee just recently iz gonna have some ELIXIR. U know, I just realized dat im not typin dis just 2 make it a super super long wall of text anymoar. Im just typing when I feel llike it. I've gotta get moar competittve w typing. I've gotta find sum way 2 do dis. N why not have fun while doin dis? I'm gunna hide a subliminal message in dis long wall of text.. N im trypin bout typin bout typin, so it counts, right? Well, dis doesnt seem 2 subliminal messagey, so I gotta change up mai tactics. But how? Damn, did u ever hear bout teh fake matrix reloaded script where Agent Smith sumhow got sexier n turned teh agents gay n Neo had an evil twin who rides a motorcycle? Yeh, I just heard nbout dis n i will never not picture his evuil motorcycle twin "greg" as anything other than a human version of Shadow the Hedgehog. I'm typing so fast right now it reminds meh of meh acing a school typing test @ 120 wpm. Sumhow. Dis wuz 2005 jsyk, so a few years back. Like back when I wuz obsessed w flaming chickens, just made a vampfreaks account, 4ced maiself 2 eat ketchup, teh whole lot. I miss those days n they only happened wut, 3 years ago? Kinda crazy how fast teh nostalgia can settle in. pretty sure I gotta shoehorn whatever letters I need 2 get mai point across. Gotaa write write write they say! I can't stop printing out shitty posters, because I have seen soo many girls on teh wonderful platofrm of deviantart post their stupid bedrooms n I have only aq small personality, so mai feeble intellect has decided 2 waste as much printer ink as humanly possible just so i can look cool when in reality I look like a schizophrenic. Damn, im really trying 2 make dat subliminal message work even tho its probley moar of a chore 2 read, not like teh 1 on mai forums accounmt, n if ur ehre frum teh forums, im just telling u teh paragraph spanning subliminal message says "I love watching Mr. Anderson sleep" its a funny quote frum those agentsmithcommunity forums dat i miss oh so very very much. But its fine tho. Oooh, almost teh whole page iz filled up w text Productive lil meh! w00t w00t! Im so hungry right now, oh my fucking god teh hungrrr! But I'm trying 2 lose sum weight, so guess I gotta hold off on gettin a lil snackie snack 4 maiself. Well, I goyt back. Where wuz I? Onm vacation! We spent a day in Kentucky, 4 days in Tennessee, n then got back @ midnight a day or 2 l8r. Our 1st day we just went 2 kentucky, teh parents rented out teh DIRTY ROTTEN CABIN DAT THEY'RE TRYING 2 CONVINCE US WUZ BUILT IN TEH 80S EVEN THOUGH ITS WAY 2 RUNDOWN 2 B FRUM TEH 80s, n I wanted an escape, but mai Aunt wuz having a birthday party @ her house, so I had 2 wait, I waited by passing out on a dirty mattress 4 5 hours, n when I woke up I screamed n Dad took meh 2 Auntie Shan's, where I wuz given a slice of chocolate cake n she turned on teh Flintstones 4 meh 2 watch. She always plays Boomerang in her house. I set up on teh bed n we had a chat bout lord of teh rings. Shannon rly wants 2 watch Lord of the Rings but she doesn't got a DVD player in her house (Her husband whos like 20 years older than her does tho, but he runs a bible school n I only got 2 go inside 1ce when I wuz 11, where I announced I wuz in teh furry fandom n he made a wooden ornament of mai fursona 4 meh. I still use Sammy Fox 2 dis very day, if u saw mai art :3 ) so she never got 2 watch it. She hgave up her entire bedroom 2 meh, 2 mai surprise, n I set up n chilled. A few hours after she went 22 bed, so I got sum candy dat I l8r learned wuz expired, so then I watched funny vidz on mai rokr n then recorded maiself eating teh expired  candy. Dis wuz how I learned she dropped teh "No waking up til 8 " policy bcuz I walked 2 her @ 2aM sobbing over teh wi-fi freaking out. I l8r passed out n woke u0p 2 teh 2 dogs in her house dat actually love meh aggressively licktacking meh (like they were licking meh 2 teh point it could very well b considered an attack) a hundred messages frum damian-chan, n a terrifying realization dat id slept 2 hours past when I should've woken up, so I (didn't) get ready in a panic. She also let me take 2 rings dat she gives teh kids @ teh church she's a pastor @ even tho they were 2 small 4 meh lolz.I knew we were there as soon as I saw teh aforementione hyuge new gas station, where mai Mom broke her spine on a toilet, I got a plushie w kicky feet, n mai aunt got a gajillion sweets. Teh cabin itself wuz pretty bland n boring, n teh very 1st room I walked in2 mai parents declared it mine. Guess what? IT HAD NO TV. IT. HAD. NO. TV. So, dis inspires meh 2 double check teh car n come across teh horrifying realization dat I HAD NO PS2. Yep, I 4got mai PS2 @ home. Mai emul8on addicted brother got an emul8r 4 meh on his PSP n got shadows of teh colossus n path of ne. He hade meh play 2 levels of colossus so I made him play 2 of PAth of Neo, n he thinks the game has teh worst controls ever. Teh next 2 days were all blurry, cept 4 meh going 2 teh outlet mall n going 2 Zumiuez solely 2 listening 2 the music in there n look @ overpriced jorts, n getting a ton of crappy graphic tees @ hot topic n not finding any kewl pants in mai size. Then I got knee high converse @ journeys n dad abandoned meh n shannon @ teh mall. Then we went 2 Mountain Manny's n I got a knockoff  gangsta SpungBob shirt n then played pirates of the caribbeasn mini golf, where I goty 2 chat w a girl in a slipknot shirt, then I got a mcflurry @ mcdonalds n nearly jumped out of a car while Pantera wuz playin I think teh day after dat, I went on teh mountain coaster n then went shopping @ another mall, where i herd u liek mudkipz, so I got a mudkip, we got food @ a celebrity's restaurant, then I got a new evanescence shirt + jay n silent bob figurines n then picked up taco bell 4 teh momma n then we got 2 go 2 an arcade where we got kicked out 4 staying past closing bcuz mai brother hadn't maxed out his card. He wuz yellin n screamin @ teh arcade employyes as we got kicked out bcuz he "wanted 2 have fun." then we went home n got gridlocked on teh kentucky-indiana st8line 4 30 minutes n teh only thing preventing meh frum fully going mental wuz starin @ a kewl truck covered in Invader Zim stickers. Then we almost ran in2 another gridlock so dad swung teh fucker around n drove us past all dat gridlock bullshit. Mai aunt iz also counting on meh 2 help her renov8 her home, n she explained dats why teh candy i wuz eating wuz expired. Well, I'm back, jus like Frodo. 2day's rant iz bout grass. Did u know dat teh smell of grass iz actually teh grass screaming? So ur saying we cut grass

Welcum back 2 another episode of Shade Makes A Stupidly Long Webpage! 2day, we have: Game Modding! Its where u install files on2  a game dat changes sumthn, like 4 Resident Evil 4, I got a mod dat changes teh regular Ganados 2 look like Agent Smith frum teh matrix. I get an odd erotic pleasure out of c-ing Leon die 2 a ton of Smiths even when im trying 2 AVOID them, which says sumthn bout mai fate in teh Smith clone apoocalypse! Well, dis wuz a RLY short rant, lets cut 2 commercials!

Oh? Hmmmm, nobody wants 2 sponsor a poor host, so u just have 2 keep listening 2 meh! N now, here we rant bout As Seen On TV commercials! When I made mai very 1st website back in 2004, I had another LTE. where I ranted bout teh wonders of As Seen On TV products! Teh last time I got obsessed w As Seen On TV products wuz a few months ago when I started getting obsessive over Aqua Globes, I dont own any plants except 4 an old pumpkin w a cats face on it ive owned since Halloween 2007 (thx Dad! I also gave a speech 2 a woman but why yes, her son SHOULD get teh pretty pink unicorn plushie, bcuz FUCK UNICORNS B-ING GIRLY, LET UR SON LIKE WAT HE LIKES! Guess she'll never doubt her son again after goddamn Trinity frum teh matrix told her 2, n then Trinity promptly bought a pink kitty plushie n fell down a flight of stairs), but mai mom's starting 2 rly enjoy growing plants, n she let meh buy a plant 2 keep (a Sun Coleus, I think dats how u spell it, its a pretty plant w all mai fave colors, just a ton of big black pink n green leaves! Its HUGE now btw!), but enough bout plants, lets talk bout As Seen ON TV products of teh EvilWeaselz days n compare them 2 NekoRikiRawrr era products

We have PediPaws, which @ first sounds like sumthn mai kitties need, like those nail caps u should put on cats instead of ripping off their claws (which iz different frum cutting them bcuz if u rip them off, they wont b able 2 get comfy anymore), wait back in teh 80s mai mom owned a rly mean cat named Cole who needed nail caps n after b-ing drowned by mai older brother, who wuz a baby @ teh time, he ran away. They never found him, prolly ran away 2 b w his brethren in teh forest, which reminds meh I should reread Warrior Cats, I got obsessed w teh books in 2003 when they were first coming out but eventually I 4got bout them. Wow, am I rly gonna start talking bout Warrior Cats? Naaaaaa, back 2 kitties. Mai parents didnt own a single boy cat 4 over 20 years until they disregarded teh gender of another kitty they surprised us w, a grey n white tomcat named Frankenstein bcuz of teh stitches on hiss eyes n his failed neutering bcuz his balls were fucking huge! He turned out 2 b a very luving cat even when I accidentally ripped off a part of his eyes during teh eye surgery era. Did I go off topic n start talking bout cats? Yes, I did, lets go back 2 PediPaws...

But when u look @ teh PediPaws, they're...pet nail pulverizers. At Least It's Not Declawing! (I fucking h8 ppl who declaw their cats by da way, got in2 a nasty fight bout it in 6th grade w teh smelly gangster kid who though I luvd him n started wearing Happy Bunny clothes bcuz I did, which iz funny bcuz its 4 girls n he likes meanspirirted humor unless its bout boys, eventually he turned 2 drug dealing n passed out blunts 2 kids after school dat he rolled 2 honor an actor who died teh previous day)

I guess dis iz just turning in2 Shade's Anecdote Land, which iz good bcuz it makes dis longer, even if it distracts frm purpose.

Now Weed Claw, im assuming its either fake nails u can smoke 2 get high, or a grdening tool...N its...TEH LATTER!

Now 4 teh Buxton Bag. Im assuming its a fancy bag! N its...

A tactical bag!

Oooh, Zorbeez! Wat r these, it sounds like a toy I'd play w when I wuz lil, I adored swimming when I wuz littl! N its...

A towel!

I c Blendy Pen ads all teh time, dat 3D looking kid fucking terrifies meh, n now im bored talking bout as seen on TV products, so we either

-Look @ older 1s

Or...

-Look 4 other categories

I'll roll w teh 1st option.

(shade wuz never seen nor heard frum again)

  I got 2 LTE rants 4 u 2day! 1st off, POWER OUTAGES. I had an 18 hour motherfucggin power outage last night, which sux bcuz I wuz going 2 write a gr8 LTE rant, but instead u r getting a substandard LTE rant bout dat blue alien frum Lilo n Stitch. Yel, Stitch! I ussed 2 find him kinda kyoot wqhen I wuz younger, but now I just fuggin h8 dat koalathing. I dont even fucking know WAT it iz! But teh main reason I h8 it iznt bcuz its annoying or it has a punchable face, no dear reader, its merchandising. STITCH IS EVERYWHERE. I go 2 teh store, STITCH, I get a package in teh mail frum Sarah, STITCH, I look 4 kawaii wallpapers, STITCH. OH MY FUCKING GOD STITCH IS EVERYWHERE. I thought we could keep that blue bastard at the Disney store so I'd only see him when I waltz in to torment the Disney store workers and buy a million dollars worht of Pirates of the Caribbean merch, but NOPEDIOPE, that bastard is just taking over the fucking world isn't he? Well, he is an alien, so not surprised at all. Wait, do I still even HAVE a Disney store at my mall? Oh...it shut down. Rest in piss Cherryvale Mall Disney store Wait, you wanna hear moar bout teh outage? Sure thing, tart. So, firast I decided 2 read n then spend mai time running around town taking photos (like 1 I took @ taco bell where mai Neo n Smith plushies were eating on those kyoot lil checkerboard tables.) After a while, I got bored so I cleaned mai room n played Path of Neo, however after 5 hours I wuz so utterly broken frum having no internet I just crashed n died.

Hey, I'm back! Time 4 a good dose of existentialism n philosophy I don't understand! (KIds cheering). So, 2day w mai other frens, I discussed satanism (NOT DAT KIND OF SATANISM) which iz a belief dat u r ur own god, however these people thing differently. Lotsa shtruff bout astral projection. N I learned dat its not very good 2 b a god. Im expected 2 life a life free of sexuality n still find love. U c, ur literally supposed 2 AVOID sexual/romantic encounters, n they ignored all mai questions bout asexuality. Also, I learned dat we have a time traveler in our server! He told meh bout World War 3, itd start w Russia n USA getting in2 a nuclear fight, n then end w all of humanity enslaved n brainwashed in2 luving it. SO then I asked "wat if I tell teh president dat they have a skill issue?" He took it serio0usly. Butt weight! He said dat their may b a peace treaty instead of total slavery! Its like schrodinger's cat (or in dis case, Schrodinger's War), He doesnt know if there will b slavery or a treaty until it happens. N I also learned sum ppl wungle their hog n astral project simultaneously. I dunno how, but they can do it! However, now dat teh conversation ended n we're talking bout guys n stuff, lemme tell u bot mai odd, stalky behavior. But I'm not following around just a single person...IM STALKING MAI ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD. Sujmtimes, mostly in warmer months such as dis, I go outside n just...stare through teh windows n watch TV w them, usually I dont know wat they're watching, all I know iz dat I'm enjoying it 2. Last time I checked, two neighbors had their TV on. 1 wuz warching Star Wars n teh other wuz watching a murder mystery show. I have very weird, psychopathic (iz dat how u say it?) things I like 2 do. N 2day, I wanna tell u bout why teh TV channel known as G4 iz teh best thing ever conceived! So, imagine, ur a computer addict, but ur TV iz getting lonely. Then wat do u do? Watch G4! It's TV 4 ppl who prefer video games n internet, skits dat depict Mario n Luigi as member of teh Mafia? U got it, Attack of the Show! A crass show anim8d as if its taking place in ur SNES? u got it, Code Mnkeys! I lurve G4 moar than mai own family! Hello every1 I had a fucking horrible experience in an Arby's (BTW, starter, we didnt get our food bcuz mai mom swerved outta there)

So, I get mai nails done (ooo, starry w lots of bright colors! teh pink even glows in teh dark!) n it got l8 bcuz i spent so long getting mai nails done. Mom asks where we should go, I say portillo's, then she tells meh she already had portillos n its 2 far. Then I say Aby's we get there n spend 2 minutes obsessing over time. Woo, wee dis iz where teh fun part behins!

Teh white car pulls up, n just keeps ORDERING N ORDERING. 4 20 minutes, mom nervously says "almost done" w a twinge of anger in her voice. 20 minutes, 40 meals n teh guys not done. 40 FUCKING MEALS? HOW MANY PEOPLE DOES THIS FUCKER GOTTA FEED? She swerved after 20 minutes bcuz 40 meals means a LONG FUCKIN WAIT (no cars b-hind us, fuck yah!)

So, Dad thinks he MUST go 2 Arby's bcuz I wanted it. Wouldnt b surprised if dat asshole iz still sittin there waitin 4 his food. How much shit did he order? 100 fuckin meals?

Oh yeah, bout teh diarrhea, i shat mai brains out on teh bus while listening 2 Millionaires' new Take A Shot song (more like a take a shit bcuz of wat wuz going on). I shat BLOOD 2, 2 make everything worse. Mom thinks its mai period, n i expressed desires 2 get an ablation (like a Junior Hysterectomy) out of fear id end up like dat girl who bled so much in a period she went comatose. But WAY 2 much girl talk aside, fuck arby's n fuck dat asshole! im never going 2 a drive thru again. Im getting mai shit delivered or ordering my Pet Smith Clone 2 get it 4 meh. Well, I think dat i need 2 tell u readers bout a personal obswervation of mine. It appears the world has entered a paradigm shift. After hundreds of years of complaining about the Christmas season starting before Thanksgiving, I believe the world has finally come to terms with Santa Claus and his plans for world domination, by slowly taking over one calendar month at a time. (sigh...it should've been ME! NOT HIM!!!!)

Never thought I’d see the day that all of the folks in my neighborhood would have inflatable snowmen and chicken wire reindeer and sleighs in their backyard the day after Halloween, but here we are. I guess there’s not a lot to give thanks for this Holiday season, not with old Saint Nick spreading Christmas cheer like an evergreen plague.

So have a Holly jolly Christgiving everyone, it’s only a matter of time now before next year’s Christloween pops up and we’re all dressing up as reindeer and elves, knocking on the doors of our neighbors who have decided that Halloween lights can double as Christmas lights if they get them in just the right color. Carrying our stockings around, door to door, while everybody hands out those tacky Dollar store last minute Christmas gifts as supplement for candy corn and black licorice.

God help us all.

And after Halloween’s gone what’s next? Memorial Day? INDEPENDENCE DAY?! I’ll be damned if I let that fat Cherry nosed Son of a bitch change the red white and blue flag to silver and Gold! Christians, you think God is behind this? Look around you, we’re all slaves, pulling around Santa’s sleigh, carrying a bottomless bag filled to the brim with an undying thirst for hot cocoa, milk, and the blood of the innocent.

That’s right. Christ wasn’t born on Christmas. I’ll tell you what was though, a one way ticket to planet where Jack Frost isn’t just nipping at your toes, but he’s nipping at your wife’s neck, too. Global warming can’t save us now.

SATAN. SANTA. You think that was intentional? You bet your cherry red jingle bells that it was. So wake up and smell the mistletoe before it’s too late, because before long, he’s coming for your parents, Mother’s day? Father’s Day? Those weird family Holidays that your parents made up in order to make themselves feel more important? Yeah, that’s right, he’s coming for your Aunts and uncles, your cousins, your kids, and your grandkids, and it all starts here. November first.

Well, look who's back, back again, Shade iz back. Tell yo frens! N im here 2 bash maiself w guilt! w00t w00t!!! So, 2day I learned dat ive apparently been starving m,ai Neopets 4 2 whole days, n its led meh 2 realizing how much of an irresponsible Neoparent I've become. I mean, I feed them literal CRACK COCAINE when I run out of food, n I missed out on neopets' 15th birtrhday, which makes meh extra upset :[ so upset I had 2 use a bracket 4 dat emoticon! I need 2 keep typing, its been a while since I last typed here. typetypeytype. Sorry, had 2 paudse bcuz im watching the matrix AKA BEST MOVIE EVAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If u dont like it, u can thoroughly FUCK OFFF!!!! Im a total Hugonut ROFL, u probley already know dat tho. I follow every word dat bitch Tanathir says, im literally her guyz u dont understand!!!

I woke up bright n early n sounded a mega horn all over teh house 2 signal it wuz time 4 mai family 2 wake up n open gifts w meh! Here's wat I got, mai brother's shtuff will b right -low dis

- Cat eared headphones, mai family likes 2 think Im 1 of those girls who get paid 2 play video games. Dont get meh wrong, teh cat eared headphones r pretty kyoot, but ill just stick 2 mai dad's old headphones!

- a Black n white Rhinestone belt

-A My Melody phone charm

-A cinnamoroll phone charm (which I currently use)

-LOTS of stickers (All Sanrio, mostly My Melody but I also got Kuromi, Hello Kitty, n Cinnamoroll stickers)

 A pair of Goth-ish boots mai aunt got off of rivithead (Dat AWESUM STORE frum teh links page), lemme try 2 find them (DANK-101 platform shoes)

- A ton of My Melody Stuff (Lanyard, what looks like sum sort ofphoto frame but I dunno wat it iz bcuz it's JAPANESE[Mai mom's Sanrio dealer always outsources all her shtuff frum Japan!], Sticky Notes, loofah, comically tiny notebook)

-A funny fluffy cat hoodie dat said "FLUFF U U FLUFFIN FLUFF". Mai mom threatened 2 beat meh 4 saying dat until she saw teh shirt

-Pawed gloves

-A rainbow cat themed outfit

-A Bad Cat calendar

-Lots of cat socks

-A PSP (Actually, it's mai brother's but he'll let meh share it w him!)

-A My Melody Diary

-My Melody clipboard

-A pink Skelanimals plushie (Kit, teh cat, most of mai Skelanimals merchandise iz of her)

-Sum hairspray

-A plaid robe

-A belt w splatter patterns on it

-2 My Melody notebook (including a copy of 1 I already own!)

-A knockoff Cinnamoroll purse dat calls him Macaroon instead of CInnamoroll

-A new GIR hoodie bcuz mai old 1 frum 2004's sleeves were ripped up

- 1 of those animal eared hats w paw gloves attached frum Spencer's. I wear it EVERYWHERE now!

-A Kuromi Blanket

-Agent Smith fanart mai dad commissioned 4 meh

-AN AGENT SMITH CARDBOARD CUTOUT

N teh enxt 2 days were mostly a blur. Then, on teh 27th, mai parents took meh 2 c grandpa n open christmas gifts w him. Sadly, I 4got 2 charge anything n all mai devices died while I wuz in teh hospital, then we 8 a shitty dinner, mai parents threatened 2 murder meh over chocol8 milk, n I got home n listened 2 linkin park while contempl8ng suicide n drawing Neopets. Dats all Ill write 4 now, ive got tons 2 do! Im back after an ungodly amount of time. I have a lot 2 write bout. 1st teh Illusion of Convenience, which I came up w after an unsavory experience I dodged like Neo dodging bullests. So, on our way home frum Christmas vacation, we stopped 2 teh Female Rage Loves-McDonald's hybrid w a stupidly long line. There wuz a car there, back n blue, right by teh drive through window. Meh, b-ing teh impatient bitch i am, begged mom 2 let us order our food IN teh McDonald's, mai family iz very drive thru oriented, n Im teh only 1 who isnt, which makes mai family think Im weirder than I am, which iznt much weirder, they just dont c TEH TRUTH!!!! Okaay, so we spend 20 minutes inside of teh gas station, in i steal an I Heart Indiana keychain na dolphin magnet dat I keep on mai computer, n as I exit teh McDonald's, I recognize 1 thing. Teh car iz STILL there. Still ordering. I wrote a long essay on mai notes app, lemme try 2 find it, n I will copy it word 4 word. Ok, here! McDonald's tries 2 say its "fast" food. Well, its all an illusion! Teh illusion iz VERY easy 2 c through tho. They should just call it a Bl8nt Lie of Convenience. "We're quick! Haha, sike!" McDonald's iz good, but iz it worth it? I prefer dining inside much 2 mai parents anger. They JUST DONT GET IT! I'm redfryboxed, n they're all bluefryboxed! Remember teh least infuri8ng fast food experience ever? I c ppl tend 2 take a very long time 2 order n it just ruins everything n every1's mood. Dat guy spent 20 minutes ordering n wuz still ordering 4 like 3 minutes after mai dad got 2 Arby's, l8r @ home while she wuz putting powder on mai thighs while I wuz discussing shitting blood n how unclean I felt, she admitted 2 meh dat she also saw through teh illusion, n she wuz upset @ teh guy 2. She tends 2 take her anger out on her kids, but she genuinely means well; her parents treated her dat way n its hard 4 her 2 control herself. N I'm back, hello n welcum 2 teh Super Awesome N Stupidly Long Wall of Text Show. I have been running dis shit storm 4 2 years? 2 YEARS!? Yes, dat's right, u have been held captive in mai bedroom 4 2 years, fellow reader! N I feel like dat calls 4 a celebra-Oh, nevermind lets go back 2 talking bout Disc Replay, wat used 2 b mai fave shop. On mai old LTE, I wrote an entire THING bout Disc Replay, a long rant bout why its teh most awesum gaming store in teh world. I revisted 4 teh 1st time in  a couple of years recently, n its pretty much teh same, but I just couldnt help but leap throughout teh store, paying no attention 2 displays of expensive action figures, japanese candy, n small children around meh. It's a geek store, so they have tons of games in stuff, teh last time I visited I purchased Things including teh game TimeSplitters, along w Resident Evil Outbreak n an Agent Smith figurine. Dis time, I got a crap ton of movies, here, Ill list EVERYTHING I got 4 u, dear reader!

• The entire Pirates of the Caribbean Trilogy
• Both the first and second Terminator movies
• Kill Bill (I didn't ACTUALLY get it, I just wish I did :( screw u dad)
• Fallout 3)