I'm only including standard (or close) plates because this webpage would be longer than an LTE if I included special plates. While that'd be awesome, it'd be too good for Angelfire.
Alabama
Try harder, Alabama. You know why ur ranking so low, right? U cant do ANYTHING right, can u? except give meh mai bestie Damian
Alaska
Well, dis iz pretty fucking arrogant 4 such a dumb license plate. Calling urself the last frontier WHEN SPACE IS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE, along w many moar dangerous mountain ranges. N teh ocean 2...Smith knows what lives underwater...anyways, u know those caves dat r barely big enough 4 ppl 2 get through? But srsly,. I have watched enough star trek 2 know space iz teh TRUE final frontier. I've also seen enough piss in mai life 2 know ur license pl8 reminds meh of it. Drink moar water, u look very dehydrated
SArizona
Arizona loves 2 brag bout being America's vagina. Mayb 1 day it'll give birth 2 a st8 w a better personality, so lets take these fork-looking cacti n eat teh idea of acknowledging any other part of Arizona
Arkansas
Here we go again w Arkansas' conspiracies dat all other st8s were put here mechanically. Also note how teh license pl8 is a useless, boring piece of shit
California
Wow. Just WOW.
I thought dat things couldnt get moar boring. WUT A WIMPY PIECE OF SHIT CONSIDERING WHO U R! I mean, could u NOT afford anything better? I guess u R using a lot of money 2 figure out how 2 make ppl happy in a polluted, melting desert of traffic. Did ur secretary Dolores sign it? C'mon Arnold, lock the FUCK in! Wait, Arnold's still teh govern8r, right?
Colorado
Usually, I like black n white high-contrast art, but teh cocaine sky iznt very inspiring. I think dis could b a good Florida license pl8 if it wuznt flatter than mai aunt's tits. I like it, but its also quite depressing...*chuckle*
Conneticut
God fucking DAMN IT conneticut. U r obsessed w generic templ8s! Can u literally do ANYTHING unique? We should probley cut off some land n annex u frum teh union. O yeah, go down a bit so u can knock Long Island off teh map n do a favor 4 all new yorkers
State Name
Frum a license plate website, apparently dis has been around since 19 FUCKING 68. Its been DECADES delaware, cant u come up w anything better than "Look mommy, a license pl8 better than connecticut's! They can afford 2 colors!"
Delaware likes 2 show off how average of a st8 it iz. Actually, wat bout a new slogan "Never anything more." Sounds catchy, huh?
State Name
...The only thing I DON'T hate about Florida. Nice color scheme stands out w/o b-ing obnoxious, teh orange looks like a nice pair of genitals, n teh tourism website iznt 2 in-your-face. Doesnt change teh fact dat chances r if dis iz ur license plate u suck @ driving. I mean, jesus christ, this license plate just SCREAMS "i am a bad driver" But dis iz probley 1 of teh better 1s yet when all ur competition iz awful...xecept...
Georgia
Hmph, very VERY nice. im rethinking wut i said bout florida, dis iz a much better fruit-based design, n teh gradients r nice. Sadly, there's no good genitals on dis 1.
Hawaii
Ok Hawaii, we get it, ur gay...its ok, i think none of u think its a problem right? Its missing sumthn, but i cant put mai finger on it. Teh rainbow looks so bad, n beyond that there's no redeeming qualities
But srsly,
Idaho
Woah, Idaho! Calm down! Finally, Idaho redeems itself beyond Hugo Weaving's fandom. Hits teh patriotic notes perfectly w/o b-ing overly direct, N IT EVEN MENTIONS THOSE FUCKASS TATERS!
Illinois
Sneaky Linky's gonna getcha! Pretty basic beyond dat tho, i just want a bit moar cre8tivity. "Plz, plz, plz, add sum red! We need 2 look patriotic!"
Indiana
Hmph. Its not as boring as sum others, i like teh pastel color scheme
Iowa
Oddly, not enough stuff rel8d 2 farming on here. I guess graphic designers r also just not as good in Iowa, but @ least its pleasant 2 look @
Kansas
Ad astra per aspera means "Holy shit Kansas, can't you come up with a better slogan?" Not a pukefest like Delaware or bland like California, but I still h8 it bcuz its just so...uncreative. They have 2 make sure ur reminded of their horrible slogan every time u get caught behind teh 7 ppl in kansas who know how 2 drive w/o running over immigrants
Kentucky
Hell yeah Kentucky, keep preaching ur free spirit stuff! But did sum1 publish a rough draft as a final design bcuz dats sure wat it looks like!Why iz there a random Kentucky outline? Where's teh better symbolism, like mayb a moar horse-ey theme, or fried chicken!
Louisiana
Hey California, take notes. U can have ur st8 name in a fancy font w/o making teh license pl8 look boring! Louisiana has a nice look, except dat slogan seems like louisiana BEGGING ppl 2 come 2 their st8 due 2 all their swamps n wildlife
Maine
Hmph, its pretty good. Lame slogan, nice design w birdies n pine cone! Maine did juuuust enough 2 not absolutely suck! Makes meh less angry bout getting cut off by a guy w a stupidly long order in teh drive thru
Maryland
Maryland proving time n time again that they NEVER do anything right. Ever. Gotta love their flag, a regurgitated spaghetti dinner provided by the Save the Bees association
Massachusetts
Jesus Christ Massachusetts! I didn't know u were the most haunted st8 in America...tho i think i know where im going 4 mai next non-southern vacation...oohh, we're having LOTS of those 1ce we move 2 Florida. Oh, I think I hear a ghost!
"Booooooo...BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...BOOOOOOOO...BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Michigan
OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK
SMinnesota
Minnesota, you stupid fucking morons. You don't even HAVE 10 thousand lakes! You have 11,842! Minnesota, home of ppl who cant count
Mississippi
This must've been outsourced, because there is NO WAY their residents came up with something THIS good. This is fantastic. Shame teh last word said by Mississippi's cre8ve culture wuz "Oh, look at how pretty the town square looks after our local arsonist had his way with it!"
Overall, dis iz teh 1st time Mississippi hasnt been last in sumthn, but i guess after enough games of "Baseball, but someone's head is the ball" their skulls grow back a little stronger.
Good job
Missouri
Missouri has a bad habit of trying 2 b worse than Mississippi. Pretty crappy license plate overall, but i think missouri's getting there
LESSON: Just bcuz ur name iz easier 2 spell doesnt mean u have 2 try n b WORSE than teh competition!
Montana
Good job Montana 4 doing sumthn cre8ve.
Nebraska
Nebraska, ur being held back a grade 4 copying Montana's assignment! Srsly, i dont think theres anything truly original on dis license pl8
Nevada
Nevada, as much as dis reminds meh of mai weird grandpa whom i wuz scared of until he died n l8r learned wuz a colossal jerk, i go gotta apprecia8 teh mountain ranges, garish gradients, n slapped on tagline. I guess cuz every1's 2 busy shooting up black ppl n gambling their savings away, it makes sense 4 Nevada 2 skimp out
New Hampshire
Oh, okay... so I guess if I go 2 New Hampshire, i can go piss on teh capitol building n then go get sum ice cream still butt naked! What r u gonna do, New Hampshire, arrest me? U CANT ASSHOLE! UR ENTIRE ST8 IZ BUILT AROUND LIVIN' FREE! Good luck trying 2 tell meh dats not livin' free! U know, new hampshire seems like a good place 2 retire, stalk men, n turn them in2 unique, "leatherbound"" journals. Good luck giving meh a death sentence cuz then u would have 2 obey teh law 2 do it!
So New Hampshire, do I get 2 live free or do u get 2 kill me bcuz of laws dat prevent living free?
Also where have I seen dis b4? Dat slogan sounds oh so familiar...Oh, apparently New Hampshire DIDN'T steal frum any of teh other assignments...u get a passsing...D.
New Jersey
Ok New Jersey, we get it, take teh default design, change things up a bit, 'cept we make teh gradient PISS yellow ta show peopo' wha' New Joisey is ahll abou'!We need people ta know wha' Joisey smells n tastes like year-roun before they even stepp foot in our borda!"
New Mexico
Dis sign just shows dat Americans r very stupid, bcuz New Mexico just HAS 2 say its in America! Feels like a mash up between everything else teh st8 has 2 offer frum mediocre 2 amazing. Sorta boring, but so close. Those top designs just look so out of place.
Nothng bad, just feels very messy
New York
Starting 2 get real sick of these license pl8s. Teh skyline iz nice, but replace watever's on teh left w either a statue of liberty or a man fighting a midwesterner over hot dog toppings while he freezes 2 death bcuz his 6 figure salary cant even pay his rent
Ok, now im going 2 swap around ohio n north carolina 4 a silly lil thing. I AM NOT SKIPPING NORTH DAKOTA, just doing dis 1 thing
Ohio
I rly like teh font they use 4 teh st8 name, n plus i found many different but consistent designs, so its a very versatile license pl8. Ohio n North Carolina frequently get in2 fights over who can claim this. The Wright Brothers were born in n cre8d teh 1st airplane in Ohio, but teh 1st actual flight wuz in North Carolina, so Ohio has 2 bring up they're teh 1st in aviation as well as teh birthplace of stupid mistakes
North Carolina
North Carolina gets to piss on Ohio, so I give this a 10/10
North Dakota
Shit North Dakota, I get it, u didnt want 2 b 4gotten so u brought sumthn rly good 2 teh table. Teh buffalo has no face yet it still judges u 4 taking a day off frum ur cardio routine. Teh text iznt as gr8 but still a very nice pl8. I'd just b a bit careful w teh slogan, new jersey H8s copycats, n being confused w new jersey iz a DEATH SENTENCE
Oklahoma
Oh fuck yeah Oklahoma, this is PRETTY sick...the only problem is you killed all of the Native Americans YOU DUMB FUCKS.
Oregon
Well damn, Oregon might be the comeback king. albeit that's a title that California has since they have San Francisco. Nothing wrong, just awkward formatting. Usually, oregon smatters diarrhea on all their state pride, but now all i see is a license plate that I will NEVER see in Portland because I'll be too distracted by everyone's bizarre clashing bumper stickers.
Pennsylvania
OH MAI GAWD, I SWEAR I had a most horrible dream. I had a dream where Pennsylvania's license pl8 looked like a visa card!
Rhode Island
A bit bland, but dats not bad...dis actually looks nice, both teh slogan, wave, n desper8 lil anchor 2 remind ppl dat rhode island iz a sea faring st8 bcuz ur well aware teh only thing stopping massachusetts frum invading iz they'd have 2 drop their self-obsessed worldview long enough 2 c teh borders. U might wanna construct sum oil rigs 2 live on b4 u get annexed.
South Carolina
This is the perfect license plate to gaze longingly at while i wait for my kids to pile into the SUV after soccer practice bcuz i gotta rush them over 2 mai fren gina's house 4 a play date so i have enough time 2 get mai ass pounded by teh neighbor b4 mai husband gets home, he's not much more attractive but he knows how 2 pleasure ME.
South Dakota
FUCKING. PATHETIC. That granite carving of men of substance iz such a fine example of ur hollow existence. Dat monument iz teh only thing u will ever b known 4. These men contributed 2 teh country in many ways instead of just masturb8ing 2 a single achievement. U can take teh individual biographies of any president on dat hill n it would b moar interesting than any part of South Dakota's history. Ur not trying anymore, n ur just BORING. EVERYONE. We're all sick of mount Rushmore, tell meh when u bulldoze it n put in a six flags
Tennessee
SY'know, dis iznt all dat bad. Yes, teh st8 thing iz getting PRETTY annoying, but the painting of wat im assuming iz teh Smoky Mountains n teh TV vacation scam font Tennessee's written in actually go nice 2gether.
Texas
Y'know Texas, dis iz pretty sick. So sick it almost makes meh 4give u 4 being teh most bigoted st8 ever.
Utah
1 question Utah: WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING BIPOLAR? U have teh best welcome sign, n teh worst flag on teh planet, n a really nice license pl8. Its hard 2 decide whether i love Utah or h8 Utah, so I'll just act like a Mormon knocked on mai door n refuse 2 answer
Vermont
Hey Vermont, u know colors other than green exist, right? Being teh green mountain st8 doesn't mean u have 2 b ALL GREEN ALL TEH TIME. like u can try sum red or different colored highlights...im not comfortable hanging out w a st8 so far up its own ass
Virginia
They call it virginia because nobody's gonna want to date you if you have this license plate.
Washington
Let's turn teh clock back a couple years...
Notice how its exactly teh same except 4 a wacky font? Why did u change it? Dis iz MUCH moar Washington. Dis makes meh feel like teh license pl8 iz trying 2 host its own game show, but teh only game they like 2 play now in washington iz "How mediocre can we make our license plate?"
West Virginia
They gotta change this slogan to "Mild and blunderful." I didn't expect much frum fake virginiua, but dis iz EXCEPTIONALLY bad. Looks moar like a movie prop. Get ur shit 2gether WV, design sumthn worthwhile if ur gonna try n convince ppl ur an actual st8. Virginia's even MOAR west than West Virginia, so ur GOOD AT NOTHING
Wisconsin
It's a shame they put all the interesting stuff @ teh very top. Ur literally America's Dairyland, GET CRAZY! Put some cheese on it, ADD SOME TITTIES. I understand dis st8 iz so nice dat if i rear end sum1, they'd apologize 2 MEH, but grow a spine n let ur beautiful decor8ns run wild n free.
Wyoming
Oh, oh, THIS IS PERFECT.