1. Matrix Green


My friend Sebastian got into a fight about colors on The Matrix Online. But no, not one of those fights where he said the wrong word for a color, apparently this person was pissed off that he combined the colors black and green together. ON THE MATRIX ONLINE? BLACK AND GREEN ARE THE MATRIX'S COLORS FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! If any of you share a faction with TraffikKone, please wear black and green outfits to piss them off.



2. Car Crash


Decades ago, one of my father's friends was involved in a massive car crash on the highway with quite a few fatalities. A police officer came up to him, noticing that what appeared to be blood and guts were all over the car. A paramedic came a few moments later and asked the man to get out of the car so she could check on the other passenger who seemingly exploded into a gory mess. He responded with "No, that's just spaghetti, I was going to bring it to my grandma."



3. Merry Christmas


Back in the EvilWeaselz days, there was a boy in my class who listened to me tell him a story that I tell every Christmas about my pal Jenny. When she was twelve, she asked santa for nuclear bombs for Christmas. You remember flaming chickens, dontcha? So, this boy went home, told the story to his little brother, and went to the mall a few days later. His little brother reenacted the story!


4. Camp Crystal Lake

My mother's two youngest sisters attended a summer camp in Crystal Lake back in the 1980s. One day, a kid showed up there and this kid managed to shut down the entire camp just by existing. My mother never told me his first name, because its more important to know his last name:Voorhees. The counselors thought "Fuck no" and shut the camp down permanently.


4. Take Me Away...or don't.

I once told my therapist that my mom had physically assaulted me at home, so she immediately called CPS, much to all of our dismays. (Mom STILL won't shut up about it all this time later) The CPS workers told me they had to enter my room for a personal conversation, and I begged and begged for them to stay out, but they entered anyways.

Immediately, they were met with hundreds of photos of agent smith taped to the walls. Surprisingly, I wasn't taken away, instead I got called a "cool kid"